‘‘Listen to understand, not refute’’

Photo by on

You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.

– M. Scott Peck

The Basics

Staying quite by listening attentively to the one talking is crucial because if we keep interrupting, we won’t be able to understand the other person at all. To become a good listener we need patience and practice. A good listener is the key for building a strong relationship with good conversation. A good listener, gets involves completely into the conversation by sharing his valuable time, and paying attention to the people.

We normally have tendency to interrupt. We don’t listen to understand, we listen to reply! We can improve our techniques for having a better communication by listening, paying attention to the speaker. We need to be attentive. In our day to day life, we do conversation with so many people like our family members, friends, relatives, colleagues at work place or offices, strangers out for work, and many more. But mostly we lose our patience, at times ready to answer and loose the track.

The best classic example is our conversation with our children. We as elder’s listen to respond. By becoming judgmental and passing an advice in half way. We make an opinion in the middle of the conversation itself and shoot our comments. Is this the right way? It creates more generation gap. Isn’t it frustrating when we talk and someone interrupts us. How irritated we feel, so it’s the same, two way round.

Photo by Min An on


To become a good listener we need to learn not to be impatient. Also not to be in hurry to give our opinion, rather take time to listen & understand. By enhancing the skills of listening one become more credible, trustworthy, adding value. Be humble while responding back. By doing so, more strong and positive relationships are built.  Same time also be very careful of people whose words don’t match their actions. This would save you in long term.

To be an active listener, we must try to go beyond the words and form a rich picture of the other person’s emotions and intentions.

It is important not to be judgemental. Conclusions should not be made in between the conversation. If required try to remember and note it down, and discuss later. Body language is utter most important when you are listening to someone or something. Always maintain a body posture. Pay attention because if you don’t concentrate, you will soon find out that your mind have turned to other ideas or thoughts.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on

How can we improve our active listening skills?

Active listening, like any skill, is developed by practising, not by reading about it. Rather than focusing on right and wrong while listening, open your mind and try to think in terms of creating new. Consider each mind as flower, which goes through its own cycles of growth, budding, bloom and decay. Pause your opinions, debating and absolute knowing for long enough. Be a listener in such a way that it makes valuable and significant contributions that are meaningful. What is essential is that we come together as community and communicate.

Increase your motivation to listen. This is known as the effective framework for active listening. This motivation might be the desire to improve a relationship, follow instructions without wasting time, make someone feel better to make an exchange as clear as possible.

12 thoughts on “‘‘Listen to understand, not refute’’”

  1. You are so interesting! I don’t believe I have read anything like this before.
    So great to discover another person with genuine thoughts on this issue.
    Really.. thank you for starting this up. This website is something that’s needed on the internet, someone with a
    bit of originality!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there.
      Thank you for your such positive and fantastic feedback and comments.
      I am glad you liked my write-ups.
      If you like and want, please feel free to share this with your family and friends and can share on social media and your website and blogs. (Thank you in Advance. 😊)

      You can stay connected and update through my RSS feed and comments.
      Or follow me through my website that is
      My social media links:
      • Facebook –

      • Twitter –

      • Instagram –

      • LinkedIn –

      Also check out my 1st book on Amazon ‘ONE STEP AHEAD’ launched worldwide.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s